Crushonomics: What Your Office Flirtation Is Really Telling You

Let’s talk about the not-so-secret crush in the conference room.

You know the one. The person whose voice makes a budget review sound like a lullaby. The one whose “Quick question…” Slack message lights up your nervous system like a dashboard. The one you keep accidentally bumping into, well, everywhere—even though you work remotely. ;-)

Work crushes are real. And, contrary to how they may make you feel, they do not mean you’re unprofessional, unfaithful, or secretly starring in an HR training video. They mean you’re human.

What we do with those feelings? That’s where it gets interesting.

Here’s the thing about workplace attraction: it tends to bloom in environments where we’re working hard to be someone. We’re performing. Polishing our PowerPoints. Matching the tone of that very serious email thread. All day long, we’re toggling between competence and composure. So when someone sees us, or makes us laugh, or remembers our dog’s name? It hits like a summer breeze in a windowless office. The crush is often less about the other person and more about what’s been dormant in us.

In coaching, this comes up more than you'd think. Someone starts feeling drawn to a colleague—not because they know them deeply, but because that colleague makes them feel awake. Sometimes it's about being seen in a way that hasn’t happened in a long time. Sometimes it's about how calm or competent the other person seems. And sometimes, it’s just novelty in the middle of a stale routine.

When we dig into it, that magnetic pull usually isn’t about romance at all. It's about vitality. It’s about wanting to reclaim a part of ourselves—our playfulness, our ambition, our curiosity. That person becomes a mirror. A symbol. A little spark catching dry leaves.

And yet, most advice around workplace crushes is overly clinical or deeply avoidant. “Don’t go there.” “Keep it professional.” “Just ignore it.” All valid on paper. But in real life, denying what you feel rarely gets you to clarity.

Curiosity gets you there.

So if you’re catching feelings at work, don’t panic. And don’t assume the next step is acting on it (or shame-spiraling). The better move? Start asking yourself real questions—the kind that zoom in and zoom out.

Zoom In: What’s This About For Me?

• What does this person awaken in me?
• Is this about desire—or is it about something I miss in myself?
• What qualities am I drawn to, and how can I grow those within me?
• How do I feel in myself when I’m around them? More alive? More confident? More playful?

Zoom Out: What Else is True Here?

• Am I idealizing this person based on a narrow set of moments?
• How is this dynamic affecting my focus, my behavior, or my other relationships at work?
• Are there any power dynamics, reporting lines, or organizational risks I need to consider?
• If someone I cared about were in this exact situation, what would I gently point out to them?

The goal here isn’t to suppress anything. It’s to understand it. To hold the feeling lightly enough that it can teach you something.

Sometimes, a crush is just that—an innocent flicker of chemistry that passes like a summer cold. But sometimes it’s a quiet flare from your emotional ecosystem, signaling that something in you wants more—more connection, more play, more presence, more boldness.

You don’t have to confess your feelings or write a secret admirer note. (Please don’t.) You don’t have to ghost the person either. The magic move is to integrate the insight: to ask yourself what this is really about, and what wants to grow in you as a result.

And if things start to get sticky—if the banter becomes loaded, if emotional intimacy starts to form, if your focus at work takes a hit—then it might be time for a reset. You don’t need drama to make a clean internal shift. You just need to remember who you are and what matters to you. Sometimes that means setting clearer boundaries. Sometimes that means channeling that spark into something generative for yourself—your creativity, your confidence, your clarity.

Workplace crushes are not inherently a problem. They’re often just misplaced data points. What you do with the data is the real story.

One Last Thought

You’re not silly or broken for catching feelings. You’re alive. And aliveness is good news.

But aliveness doesn’t always mean something is meant to happen. Sometimes it’s just meant to be noticed. Sometimes the real intimacy here is with yourself—your longings, your instincts, your growth edge.

So the next time a certain someone lights up your Slack window or your stomach does that flutter thing mid-meeting, pause. Breathe. Ask yourself the question beneath the crush:

What part of me is waking up right now?

That’s the one worth getting to know. How can you use that to grow?